On Facebook Marketplace…

“I was looking for an iPad on Facebook Marketplace and found one for around $350. It took about two weeks of negotiating to get him down to the price I wanted ($200). I went to pick up the iPad, and we hit it off almost immediately. He said he wanted to meet because he was so confused on how someone could be so adamant on getting the price they wanted and wanted to meet this expert negotiator...

He messaged me after we met up, saying, “I know this is a wild place for this, but I think you’re good looking. If you’d like to go out for a drink, message me,” and wrote his phone number in the message. He was nervous that if I said no, he’d be banned from Facebook Marketplace, LOL. I thrift a lot, but I never thought I would meet my boyfriend on Facebook marketplace but here we are!”

-Lucy

Dedicating this song: Salesman by The Monkees

In the quad…

“He was looking for his grandmother’s ring in the grass outside of the dorms we lived in. I was so struck by him, the most well-dressed man I’ve ever met. He found the ring, and all was well as we got ice cream with our friends.

One of the first times we FaceTimed during a holiday break, he told me, “Love is something I do, not something I have.” It had truly stuck with me. I am so grateful to him for showing me what love means. As I write this, tomorrow is our two-month anniversary, and I am so glad I met him.”

-Ellie

Dedicating this song: Bless the Telephone by Labi Saffri

On the ski lift…

“Jack was a lifty, and I was a kids’ ski instructor. Before we officially met, I had my first visitor in town, and I took her out to karaoke on Monday at one of the local bars. I remember thinking the guy on stage singing "Valerie" next to his friend was pretty cute, and as it turns out, I actually have a video of my guest dancing in the bar with Jack singing in the background.

Cut to being in the best bar in the history of Aspen (RIP Eric's). For context, you could still smoke inside this bar, and they even sold loosies in one of the rooms. "Hey, can I get a hit of that?" I ask one of the guys in the nearby group… I quickly realized he was the same person I had been subconsciously crushing on for weeks at this point. We melted into our own corner of the bar, and many conversations and whiskey gingers later, we were actually asked to leave as the bar lights came on (it was 3am).

The rest is history, and we've been together for 4 years now, living in our cozy 1-bed in the Lower East Side. xx”

-Caroline

Dedicating this song: Stolen Dance by Milky Chance

At the mall…

“My boyfriend and I both worked opposite each other. I worked at Apple, and he worked at the Lego shop. He had a massive crush on me… I i didn’t really clock who he was. Then randomly, my colleague connected us & we’ve been together ever since! Apple girl & Lego boy!”

-Grace

Dedicating this song: First Day of my Life by Bright Eyes

Playing cupid…

“For 25 years of my life I was unlucky in love. So on Halloween of 2024, I decided to take matters into my own hands by dressing up as Cupid. I handmade arrows with notes bearing my phone number, strapped on some red angel wings, and set my sights on finding true love. Over the course of the weekend, I gave out a total of 7 arrows to potential suitors. 7 texts, 3 first dates, and a year and a half later, I can proudly say my now-boyfriend was the recipient of lucky arrow number 3. We just celebrated our one year anniversary last week!”

-Alyssa

Dedicating this song: Cupid by Sam Cooke

In Grandpa’s art studio…

“My boyfriend and I first met in sixth grade at a middle school dance. Years later, I was living in New York and going to art school when he reached out to me. He said that his grandpa (who was a well-known abstract painter, Robert C Jones) had passed away and asked if I wanted to come see the studio. I had zero idea he even knew I was in art school since we hadn’t spoken in years! We have be together five years and share an art studio of our own now <3 "

-Molly

Dedicating this song: She’s a Rainbow by The Rolling Stones

In the waiting room…

“I work in a dermatology office. One day, I came into work and looked in the surgery waiting room and saw a guy in his mid-20s sitting in there. This is super unusual because our patients are typically much older. My co-workers told me it was a device sales rep… I’m not sure if we exchanged a single word, but somehow I ended up in a patient room with him.

Afterwards, I quite literally texted my group chat, “I may have just met my husband.”

We’re planning on moving in together this summer!!”

-Anon

Dedicating this song: Waiting Room by Phoebe Bridgers

On the subway…

“I took a girls' trip to New York City in 2023 after a few months in my single-girl era. After a fabulous dinner in the East Village, we hopped on the L train to some bars in Brooklyn. On the train, I heard my guy friend yell, “Whoa!!!” and point to two men on the same subway car. By coincidence, this happened to be his roommate, whom I’d never met. We locked eyes, and I introduced myself. his smile immediately brought me the greatest sense of calm...

The entire trip then consisted of brunch dates, more bars, and shopping with this so called “new york boy” i never thought id see again once i flew back home... Our two-year anniversary is next month!”

-Meredith

Dedicating this song: Stop This Train, John Mayer

At the club…

“I was at a club in Vegas, dancing on a table in a booth that had been purchased by some rich old guys. In the crowd, I saw a group of young guys wearing yarmulkes. I locked eyes with one of them, pointed to the group, then to myself, then to the top of my head, while yelling "I’M JEWISH TOO!" over the sound of the Chainsmokers performance blasting through the speakers. I told them I live in San Francisco, and one of them poked his head out and said he lives there too. We exchanged numbers and we went on a couple of dates before I cut it off, but he was a nice guy!”

-Anon

Dedicating this song: Love in this Club by Usher

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Thank you to everyone who submitted their stories- they made me tear up. I would have included all of them but I need to go drop off some Acquaintance Cards at a few bars for Valentine’s Day…

I love you, my sweethearts!

More of me…

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The list of complaints from my friends over the years is rather long: bad dates, boring dates, commitment-averse “maybe-something-better–will-come-along” dates. Almost every single person I know has “tried the apps.” And almost every single person I know has subsequently gotten off them. But the complaint that always frustrated me the most was that men and women alike are disappointed in the lack of in-person approaches. If there is an art to dating, there is also a courage to connection that isn’t to be overlooked. Even just telling the girl standing in line behind you at Trader Joes that you like her sweater has become an awkward and squeamish act. Because my ex- and I met in person…and I made the first move…it felt obvious for me to encourage my friends to walk up to someone and start a conversation. That is, until recently, when I dove headfirst into the dating pool myself and quickly realized that we’re all, collectively, sinking into ourselves.

In the six months since I’ve been single, I can count the number of people who have started a conversation with me at a cafe or in a bar on one hand. To be fair, I haven’t started many conversations myself. And so I’ve been left wondering what role technology, social media, the pandemic, and collective fear have played in the decline in connection among us all.

Being a paper goods girl at heart, I have always found a life raft in the tactile. In the things we can hold and scribble on and collect and pass on. So recently, when an NPR article from 2015 titled “When ‘Flirtation Cards’ Were All the Rage” crossed my desk, my interest was piqued. In a newspaper published in 1871, one columnist remarked, “A practice which is becoming more prevalent among our boys and girls, more especially our girls, is that of flirting.” And so the flirtation card was born—small, pocket-sized notes passed back and forth between courting couples, some offering remarks of beauty or interest, others making formal proposals for dinner or dancing. According to the article, flirtation—or acquaintance—cards were considered “the ambassadors of social convention; their subtle, covert messages well understood by those who used them to construct an image of respectability in an increasingly demanding and judgmental world.”

Since 1871, a lot has obviously changed (mostly for the better), but I do think lives have only gotten more demanding and, in some ways, more divisive, which has likely contributed to the downfall of flirting altogether.

Another “social convention” that changed the way we flirt was smoking. When I was thinking about the historical symbols of flirting, one image that kept coming to mind was cigarette ads from the mid-1900s. Although the TV series Mad Men illustrates that advertising during this time was largely based on selling masculinity and sex, there was something to the language and the imagery of that time that was inherently romantic. It lent itself to the idea that having a box of cigarettes in your bag allowed ample opportunities for a moment of connection. To have a cigarette, to share a cigarette was an opportunity to be with someone you wanted to spend time with - a moment of lingering outside of a bar or on the fire escape with your crush. (Although I’m not a smoker, I’ll never forgive myself for not having a cigarette in my bag at Coachella when Ed Westwick passed by and asked me for one. Fumbled that one hard.)

Last week, my paper goods brand, No Particular Order, launched Acquaintance Cards. You can consider this my official reentry into the dating pool, sans-apps. I’ve decided to reclaim the art of connection I crave… and feared was lost. The pack, designed to look like a vintage cigarette box, holds 25 chances to be acquainted with business-card-sized sheets you can fill out in five seconds or less and pass to someone who caught your eye. Created in the pursuit of flirting more and hiding less, the cards were my own selfish ideal of the kind of dating culture I desire. But, much to my satisfaction, they have also already piqued the interest and excitement of not only my single friends, but my friends in relationships who want to be better equipped for their wingman duties.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner–a holiday us single people tend to dread–I’m hoping the Acquaintance Cards offer a new faith in romance and a new excitement to get out there and FLIRT. As you put these cards to work, I look forward to eventually hearing stories of their successes. Until then, we’ve opened a call for you to share your own meet-cute stories. Tune in next week to read the tales that will give you faith. Spoiler alert: In-person connection is alive and well. Your meet-cute is right around the corner. Romance is all around us….and especially where you least expect it (Spoiler: one story involves Facebook Marketplace…there really is hope after all).

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I can see so much of my younger self captured in each of these markers and cards. They feel almost like lily pads, stretched out between months and years of my life.

Handwritten letters capture a specific moment in time in a very particular way. They reflect our enduring desire to connect with the people we love, to celebrate big and small life events, to say what we mean in our own words and in our way. In the letters from my grandparents, my Yaya would fill one whole side with her large and ornate cursive lettering. She was a penmanship teacher for many years, and her handwriting is the kind you could study, the way each letter connects so perfectly from one to the next. Opposite her note would be my grandfather’s, written with his left hand and gently smudged as the side of his palm glided over the words he’d just penned in narrow, slanted text, which were always brief expressions of a deep and quieter sort of love. Cards from my siblings always featured some crude illustration only older brothers could think of: their reminder that letters aren’t reserved only for words. How we write a letter acts as a sort of fingerprint, our own marker that we get to imprint on other people’s lives.

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The Everything Card, launched today by my brand, No Particular Order, was created to be there for every moment – the ones you’d typically write for (birthdays, weddings, funerals…) and the more mundane (break-ups, parties, favors…). It’s a tongue-in-cheek way to show up in the lives of the people you love, and of leaving your mark. And maybe most importantly, it solves the issue of never having a perfectly apt card on hand…

10 Reasons to Write a Letter that Aren’t a Birthday

1. Spreading the news: overdue breakup :)

2. Celebrating your squishy, gorgeous baby girl!

3. I’m sorry about the stinky divorce ♡

4. I miss your chaotic house

5. Thank you for the belated birthday gift :)

6. Thinking of your tiny baby boy

7. OMG it’s your big’ol marvelous retirement!!!!!

8. Congratulations on the big ol’ honkin’ new house ☆

9. I’m sorry about the difficult job

10. Cheers to the marvelous wedding ☆

Create your own messages for 23+ occasions with The Everything Card ($24 for a set of 10). Available now on www.noparticularorder.co ♡

If you want to write a letter and send it to absolutely no one, check out these prompts from No Particular Order’s digital prompt series, New Pages:

I wanted to celebrate in the most cliché way possible — by rounding up 27 things I’ve learned over the years. I actually really believe everything on this list has made my life more meaningful, and I hope it will have the same effect on yours. Let me know what number you resonate with the most and what I missed. I’m sure there’s a lot.

1. The best part of your day can often happen through interactions with other people.

2. Create a voice or video recording of your parents’ and grandparents’ stories before it’s too late.

3. Having a home where “the door is always open” requires prep! Always keep bread, snacks, and sparkling water on hand to offer guests.1

4. The most stylish people I know never shop for a label. Instead, they prioritize [natural] material, versatility, and unique accessories.2

5. Trusting yourself means knowing how to discern when to listen to logic vs intuition.

6. An easy way to manage your finances is through monthly reporting. Create a simple spreadsheet that tallies your bank accounts. It’s become one of my favorite routines. 3

7. Use sales and manifesting practices when you’re asking for something: assume you’ve already gotten your “yes” (I can’t wait to work together), and stick around until you have the answer you want.

8. Your natural hair color probably looks best on you. I need to get back to mine.

9. In-person jobs and/or meetings will be the primary tool to excel in your career.

10. Don’t shy away from conversation starters at dinner parties. I love NoPO Conversational Coasters and WNRS4

11. Master 1-3 dishes you can create without a recipe.5

12. Read The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer and The Seven Spiritual Laws to Success by Deepak Chopra for an introduction to meditation, spirituality, and manifestation.

13. In group settings, if you don’t have anything you want to add, no one will notice if you stay quiet.

14. Make packing easier by keeping toiletry bags packed. Invest in mini versions of your favorite products or use travel bottles.

15. Spend time walking (in nature, if possible) every day. This is the best way to process feelings and experiences.

16. Keep a list of ‘Important Names to Remember’ on your phone if you have poor memory like I do.

17. Health is wealth. Stay on top of your annual visits, including dentists, OBGYN check-ups, and skin checks.

18. The impact of a handwritten note will always be worth the effort.

19. My brother walked through his flight and noticed everyone in first class was reading, while those in economy were on their phones or watching a movie. That has always stuck with me.

20. When you think of a compliment, say it.

21. The easiest way to enjoy solo dining is with a journal and a book.

22. It’s ok to change your mind (and you don’t owe people an explanation for your decisions)

23. Perfume doesn’t have to be for other people: apply it before an important work call to feel powerful, apply some before bed… this will help you forge memories and develop a true signature scent.

24. Operating 15% outside of your comfort zone is where growth happens.

25. Find a hobby that keeps your hands busy (pottery, horseback riding, sewing, writing) that will force you to stay off your phone.

26. Use gift cards right when you receive them, or you’ll likely never get around to it.

27. Never show up to a party empty-handed. You can bring fresh flowers, alcohol, chocolates, olive oil, pickles, cheese knife, butter…

28. SORRY. Give back. Share your time, resources, and wisdom. You will help to make the world a better place, and isn’t that kinda the whole point?

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Stay up to date with me on Instagram and YouTube ♥️

After the inevitable snickers from my classmates and second-guessing myself, I decided to keep my YouTube page and continue posting. I figured if people were going to talk shit, at least the chatter was something I had control over. It’s cliché, but the story of “first they make fun of you, and then they want to be you” was true: the biggest critics of my channel back then are now the people with second Instagrams pursuing content creation today. It’s an impulse I can understand— the ability to express your creativity online was what ultimately spurred my career.

The turning point from hobby to career came when I went to college. I religiously posted weekly vlogs, somehow finding time between classes, schoolwork, projects, parties, and hangovers to engage my new and quickly growing audience. I started making “real money” in 2018, my sophomore year, and decided to sign to a management company after an 84-thread email chain with VS Pink.

My career on social media felt like I was in my own secret garden on a sprawling field. I was aware that others had their own gardens, which seemed to exist far, far away. But here I was safeguarded amongst lilacs and lillies. In the early days of YouTube, there was very little competition, and the industry was largely gatekept. There was an air of mystery around the business of content creation, and I wasn’t going to be the one to open the floodgates. I liked the world and the work I had created for myself. I was one of the only people on campus “doing” social media, let alone making money from it, which even drew the attention of multiple professors–something my teachers’ pet self loved. It made sense that at Syracuse’s school for media, there would be an interest in its newest form. Influencing was a burgeoning sector, but that was still something I was blissfully in denial of. I never imagined having to share my plot of land. Alas, 2020’s TikTok surge came along, and I was proven wrong.

I don’t need to get into the rise of influencers here; you already know how the story goes. Something I will add, though, is how it left us “OG YouTubers” (if I may include myself in that) wildly frustrated and uninspired. After many conversations with my fellow twenty-ten creators, it became clear that our small YouTube cohort resisted short-form media. How dare they bring what we mastered to the butcher block? How blasphemous that creators were reaching the heights overnight that took us years to build?

I became brazen and aloof online. I refused to change my content to fit the mold short-form media required (My journaling series on TikTok, which gained traction and eventually turned into my business, No Particular Order, was actually intended to get people off of TikTok… but that’s a story for a different day.)

My resistance resulted in slow growth and frustration. I’m fortunate to have an audience that has stuck with me all these years, but as the industry has changed drastically, I’ve dug my heels and convinced myself that my lack of success with short form is due to simply being skilled in a different art form.

But like all the best fairytales, this one has a happy end middle.

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This past October, I went to Los Cabos with Expedia. The group in attendance was comprised of 15 Expedia employees and 28 creators from around the world. The intention of the trip was to prepare their new ambassador class, of which I am a part, for our upcoming long-term partnership.

I’d never been on a proper business trip where 60% of each day was spent in conference rooms, but I expected it to feel a bit stuffy and require lots of cafeteria coffee... Boy, was I wrong.

The presentations highlighted different aspects of Expedia Group, which is made up of Expedia, Vrbo, and Hotels.com. We learned about Travel Shops, their OneKey rewards program and shown high-performing travel content. My favorite lesson featured their just-unveiled campaign: Unpack ‘25, a collection of travel trends emerging from massive research studies across the family of brands. I just posted my first piece of content in our partnership to highlight their unpack Unpack campaign, which now has 2m+ impressions across Instagram and TikTok, largely thanks to my learnings from the trip.

Many of the creators I met in the program have built their entire careers in the past 1-2 years, meaning they are green, driven, and seeing real success from their dedication to short-form content. This left me feeling insecure the first night: I chatted with a few of my new friends about our imposter syndrome and our inability to imagine our own success. By the last night, the doubt washed away. I stayed up feverously scribbling in my journal about different content ideas, tracking my previous performance by content vertical, and writing my goals for this partnership. Something had reignited me.

That something might have been someone: a creator I had the pleasure of sitting next to during our final dinner. Andrew started his career on social media just over one year ago and now has 270k followers with killer engagement. We talked at length about social media growth. Andrew’s unique perspective from his background in tech allows him to look at content performance from a purely analytical standpoint, which he noted has pros and cons. One of its biggest pros is that it does remove some of the emotional “offense” from content creation. When sharing your life online, it’s hard not to internalize content performance as a measure of oneself.

We discussed the importance of having a “reason to follow”. His RTF is “follow me to learn styling tips for men”. (I’m still struggling to define mine. Right now it’s just —vibes.) We talked about how Instagram is generally more forgiving when reposting videos from TikTok rather than the other way around. He pointed out key data points he prioritizes when he posts, namely watch time ratios and percentage of followers vs. non-followers. I’d share more, but it is his knowledge to divulge. I’m extremely grateful to Andrew for sharing what he has learned with me and to Expedia for welcoming me into such a talented, interesting, and kind cohort of creators.

That conversation and others like it over my three days in Mexico was a wake-up call to be less emotional with my content. Since the trip, I’ve been practicing treating my job like a job rather than a baby I’ve been nurturing and protecting for over a decade. I wonder if that’s kinda how moms feel when their kids hit tweendom? It’s time to let your beloved fly!

I returned reinvigorated and with a new appreciation for the industry. It is changing, and it is allowing me to change with it. How great is that?!

Here’s a little case study for you:

Recently, a favorite brand of mine, J. Crew, approached me to do a two-month partnership. I took this opportunity to flex my new, data-backed understanding of my work. From one particular hotel room deep dive into my own archive, I realized the content I creative-direct and professionally shot always performs better. Duh, but I had no idea.

J. Crew’s strong branding (which I don’t need to tell you about if you’ve ever spent two minutes on Substack) made my preparation quite easy; I knew the world I was stepping into. I called up a photographer friend, Ursula, and got to work on my two favorite tabs: Pinterest and Canva. We would shoot two campaigns: one in November, all about the You’ve Got Mail/ When Harry Met Sally love for Central Park in the fall. The other, for December, would center around the Eloise at Christmastime/ Upper East Side shopaholic’s manic dream, balancing fifty wrapped presents across Park Avenue.

The performance of the two posts is a testament to paying attention to data and working really fucking hard, the former which was newer to me, the latter I’ve been evoking my entire career. I still have a ways to go and a lot to relearn, but I have a renewed sense of excitement for this chapter of the career I’ve been so blessed to have.

Thank you for being here; you’ve made this all possible.

For more of my ramblings on social media, check out these podcast episodes:

• Do as Ben & Jerry Do (on myth-busting the “personal brand”)

• Complaining to my Boss (I honestly haven’t listened to this one since I posted it, so who’s to tell what this is about… I just know I am the “boss” in this situation. So there’s that).

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This article is paywalled because it takes a full day to create, which I really should be spending on finalizing contracts, making video content, and other such endeavors. Here’s a sneak peek at the 40+ items linked below, mostly in sizes S/M and shoes 9-10.5.

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I’ve been looking for a few specific pieces for an upcoming wedding and, therefore, have more second-hand saves than I can spend my money on.

Below, you’ll find my favorites categorized by platform: Thredup, eBay, and TheRealReal. I hope you guys snatch them up before some NASTY STRANGER does. If you do, let us know in the comments what you got and how you’ll style it!

First, let me show you what I purchased this week. I’m like “the girl with the list” on TikTok but instead of a running list of Why You Should Never Have a Baby, I’m Why You Should Prioritize Shopping Secondhand. REASON NUMBER ONE: The total for all of the pieces below was $66. Thredup always has codes running so don’t checkout until you have at least 25% off (check Honey if nothing is running on the site).

The scarves don’t need much explanation—they’re all great and serve very different purposes. Re: the pink BCBG dress, I’m crossing my fingers it works out for an upcoming Malibu “summer formal” wedding. I debated buying it until I saw this post by Emili (Instagram’s Carrie Bradshaw) and immediately pulled the trigger. Updates to come!

Now for the good stuff: what’s available!

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On the receiving side, you can’t get much better than getting countless questions and compliments on how you smell. I might not be able to give you a perfect click-here, shop-now recipe because perfume is so personal, but I’ll walk you through my formula for devising the perfect trio.

Disclaimer: This obviously isn’t an economical approach. You could do a 33-33-33% approach when applying your scents, but I tend to get trigger-happy and go full application on each scent. That being said, curating my perfect fragrance is something I choose to spend my money on. Alas.

On any given day, I wear three perfumes. I start with a base scent on my skin + two perfumes on my clothes.

THE BASE: SKIN

The base scent is designed to emulate what I wish my skin smelled like naturally. We all, obviously, have natural pheromones, so our skin indeed does have its own scent, but I’m going to micromanage mine, and that is that!

Your base is the scent people will get when they go in for a hug. My boyfriend goes crazy for Maya Fragrances’ Base perfume, so much so that I got him a matching candle (long-distance hack).

You can go in a few directions here, but I’ll look for either a warm, musky scent or a fresh laundry scent. I’m putting this perfume directly onto my skin, so bonus points for non-toxic options.

My favorite warm scents:

THE LAYERS: NOTES

Once your base is sorted, you can have fun with your layering notes. This takes some time to work out since scents can play together in a really beautiful - or overbearing - way. Here’s my secret combination that literally gets me stopped on the daily with compliments and questions.

I love these two because of how different, yet complimentary they are. I think it works because they are both warm and flirty:

I love musky scents, so I knew any combination I was leaning into had to incorporate that earthiness, hence Woodphoria. I fell in love with On a Date when I was introduced to it by the brand at a wine-tasting event. I actually think Maison Margiela Replica does a great job of making a wide range of aptly named scents so anyone could find a good match. (My runner-up favorites from the brand are Fireplace and From the Garden.)

I love that Woodphoria and On A Date are two different perfumes so I can play with the ratio depending on what I’m doing or who I’m seeing. They both have good staying power which is very important to me, and they both work independently.

When creating a “custom blend,” look for notes you’re naturally drawn to —citrus, vanilla, floral, oud, spices, gourmand... There are incredible websites like Fragrantica that let you search based on notes, but it's obviously always best to try them in person. I haven’t been to Scentbar but have heard great things, so I’ll have to make a trip there eventually.

Some of my other favorite scents include:

Have fun with your concoctions! Drop your favorite combinations below, and don’t worry about gatekeeping fragrances because they will smell different on everyone. Plus, what’s the harm in sending more women out into the world smelling amazing? It will only make our commutes just that much sweeter.

P.S. My algorithm just introduced me to this incredible business, The Perfumer’s Story, a perfumery primarily designed to help actors get into character. What a genius, creative business model. I need them to post more.

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